The Funny Things Kids Say

21 Feb

Now that our children are teenagers, my partner and I look back on those sleepless nights and pre-school years with such nostalgia. (That’s a slight exaggeration but we certainly appreciate sleeping in and knowing that our children can operate independently of us… and wipe their own noses!) But I do miss their funny innocent insights about the world. For someone like me, who loves telling a story, my kids gave me more than enough funny material to work with. Like the time Neve (aged three) answered a knock at the door. It was a lovely old woman collecting donations for the Red Cross. “Oh come in,” Neve said convincingly “and my mummy will pour you a nice big glass of wine!” (It was about 2 o’clock in the afternoon). I have collected lots of these family stories in dusty journals and they always make me smile, especially this one courtesy of Molly (five years old)

June 2000 – The Right Kind of Eyes

This afternoon Molly helped me make a casserole, while Neve (2 years old) filled her head with dreams of planes and coloured rubber balls (her favourite things at present). Molly guessed that her baby sister was devising secret plans in her sleep to steal Max’s striped hat next time he comes to visit. This might be true; Neve certainly loves that hat! Molly and I collected fresh herbs from the garden and chopped and stirred and grated. Then as promised, the four of us went to Elwood Hill to watch the sunset. The sun spread her bounty across the sky, pinks and oranges set against a deep winter blanket of grey.

“If you had good eyes, you could see the whole world from up here, couldn’t you Mum?”

“Maybe,” I shrugged, a little unconvinced. It had been a very long day.

“Yeah ya could,” she argued, “you just need to have the right sort of eyes.”

“Hmm,” I nodded, “ you could be right.”

“Yeah I am,” she continued, pointing her finger at me, “Don’t you know it? If you have the right kind of eyes, you can see almost anything.”

It had been one of those winter days at home that seem to gradually close in on you. All day I had been bogged down with laundry and shopping, cleaning and picking up toys that seemed to reappear just as quickly. But with that simple conversation, the fog lifted and my mind, just like the view before me, was once again – a clear open space.

If you have a story about something funny your kids (or someone else’s ) have said to you, feel free to share. I’d love to hear it!

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  1. Holli commented 2255 days ago

    I was at the swimming pool the other day and overheard a mother and 4 year old daughter discussing lunch. The mother asked “Would you like a honey sandwich?”, “No thanks” was the response. “Would you like an egg on toast?”, “No thanks” again was the response. The mother obviously tried to pull the favourite out of the bag when she asked “Would you like a bowl of chips?”, “No thanks” was the response, followed by a defiant “I’d like some Yum Cha!”.

  2. Dianna Cregan commented 2185 days ago

    So today was what they call “Kindergarten Roundup” here which means all the kindergartners for next school year (our school year finishes in 4 weeks) go the school, meet the principal, see the classrooms, go to the library etc etc. So I took Will and after the first meet and greet we all go into a room to meet one of the teachers (actually the school counsellor) and hear from some kids and have a general chat. I guess there are probably about 30-40 mums and dads and 30 kids all in the room and at the end of the talk the teacher asks if any of the kids have questions and one kid raises their hand to say “My name is Brooke” so another chirps in and says “My name is Peter and I’m 5″ and then after restoring order the teacher says “any other questions?” to which Will shoots up his hand (I am trying to determine the nature of his question but he wont be deterred) and she says “yes, what’s your name?” and he says “I’m Will, (pause for everyone’s absolute attention) You know, when I was a baby, I drank milk from my mummy’s boobs”….I nearly died….he was a bit mortified about everyone laughing, he really didnt understand what he had said that was funny, especially as he went on to say and “cows make 90 glasses of milk a day” but everyone only heard “makes 90 glasses a day” so I now have a room of mums and dads who, in addition to thinking I have a very ‘aware’ child think I am an extraordinary producer of breastmilk!!

    It was so funny…and so embarrassing and so very, very Will.

    So proud.

  3. Nene commented 2178 days ago

    Hey Beth,
    My grandma told me a story today that I thought you’d enjoy. A little kid is comparing his skin with my Grandmas skin and says to her “why is your skin so black?” Another child standing close by replies, “don’t you know nothing, she musta been born at nighttime!” I love it!

  4. Dakota commented 1929 days ago

    When I was at Disney World with my 1st grad class for a filed trip, we went to go see Crush from Finding Nemo. It’s like a screen with a virtual turtle. Well anyway one of my first graders was dying to answer one of Crush’s questions. Well, Crush asked “What is this for?” as he brought up a bikini top. Well, one of the boys in my class yelled out, “It’s for boobs!”I diedl aughing but it was so humiliating!

  5. Beth Cregan commented 1927 days ago

    Kids answer questions stright down the line don’t they? That’s great!

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